Up until 7th grade, I didn’t use the Internet for much other than school projects, computer games, and talking on AIM with my friends every so often. We only had one computer in the house at the time, my dad’s, so I couldn’t go on anytime I wanted. My brothers were only 9 and 6 at the time, so they didn’t really need to use it. That was back in 2002.

However, one night I was playing games on a website and it had to do with reading this girl’s diary (probably not the best game I could’ve been playing, teaching kids to read girls’ diaries :P) and I thought it would be cool if I had my own online diary. I looked around and eventually found Diaryland.


I should mention that during this time, I was beginning my 7th grade at my elementary school I’d attended since kindergarten. I was in a class of 15 kids, and felt so alone. My group of friends was split into two different classes, and everyone was becoming very clique-y and meaner than I thought kids could become. I tried to fit in but I only set myself up for not getting invited to parties and sleepovers, and exclusion. For half the year in 7th grade I’d eat lunch alone every day. I figured it was better to be silent and alone. They couldn’t hurt me or gossip about me if I didn’t say anything, right?

I entered Diaryland not expecting to make friends. I’d just write about my dreams, the boy I liked, usual 13-year-old stuff. But then my parents found out I’d been having an online diary. My parents are awesome and I’m very thankful for them, but they’re a bit overprotective. Due to watching the news every morning and night, they think that everyone online besides me is an Internet predator or a 50-year-old man. They made me stop writing in the diary.

In 8th grade, I was dealing with the same drama, except ten times worse. I was miserable and wanted to have some sort of outlet. I remembered Diaryland and started a new online diary, where I wrote of what was happening, mostly on my emotions and how I wish things were better, and what I could do to make them better. Looking back it may seem as kind of whiny, but I was 14 at the time, so what else could one expect?

In time I actually began making friends on the website. I didn’t really talk to anyone on a regular basis, but would write comments on an entry every so often. But then this one girl who was my age from Texas found my diary, gave me tons of positive encouragement, and we began talking frequently. Then I began talking with others, and found out there were many people my age who understood my pain. I thought I was so alone, and here were people who got me. It was a miracle!

At that time I was dealing with some intense emotional problems as well which was receiving therapy for. I’d write about the therapy sessions and people would tell me what they’d experienced in therapy. They even got me back into religion for awhile. It was a huge support group and they made me laugh and feel accepted for the first time in a long time. When I graduated 8th grade I felt relieved and scared of high school, and Diaryland and these people were the only ones that kept me sane.

Enter high school, and I’d gotten busy with homework and didn’t have much time to write in my diary. The friends I’d had had been drifting off too due to their personal lives. But I was okay. They got me into high school in one stable, happy piece.


From Diaryland though I found a new website called FanFiction. It’s pretty self-explanatory—you write fanfictions. I saw a Harry Potter one and read through and saw fanfictions about shows, books, whatever. So I made an account and started writing some stories. I didn’t have much time to write my stories, but one I had got a lot of reviews and support. I also made friends on this website through review comments, and even found some people who spoke Spanish who’d help me (by 9th grade I knew I wanted to be a Spanish teacher). I’d also joined FictionPress, its site where you could upload your original works.


Through FanFiction I found DeviantArt, the art website that led me to many friends and my first love. I saw people in FanFiction talking about this art website to upload pictures of their original characters, so I looked it over and decided to do the same, even though I hadn’t done art since art class in 8th grade. I joined on July 1st, 2005, the summer before my sophomore year. However I didn’t upload anything until many months later because I didn’t have a scanner. When I did, I started becoming more active and commenting on peoples’ works.


And then suddenly, I realized I was making friends! I wasn’t even looking for friends. I was just looking for a creative outlet and for something to do since I wasn’t being invited to all the cool parties (actually in middle school I was the kid who wasn’t invited to the parties…one time a girl during recess gave invitations to the two girls next to me, right in front of me, and walked away. I sat there empty-handed). These people understood what I was going through and were shy and socially awkward like I was at the time. I had a few friends, but still didn’t go out on the weekends.

We talked on MSN all night about TV shows we liked (how I met many of them), took quizzes online and compared answers, and shared our personal lives with each other. I met some of the best friends I’ve ever had online. I’ve learned about different countries and have met people from all over the country and world.

I’ve had many breaks from deviantART due to business and school, though I’ve started to work on my art again. And then I came here on Xanga to start a blog expressing my many thoughts. People tell me I think too much so I figured if I could write my thoughts down at least then I could get them organized.

I think it’s awesome how we can connect so easily with people all over the world in a second. Many people think that friendships online can’t be real, but I disagree. On Facebook, I tend to be more guarded because I don’t want my peers to think poorly of me (yes, I still tend to worry what others think…it’s gotten better but it’s still in process). But on here, and on deviantART, I’m free. I never worried what others thought of me online. I feel more like myself here than on Facebook or MySpace. I feel that there are millions of people using the Internet from all over the world, and odds are at least somebody has to like me.

What do you all think? Are Internet friendships and relationships just as real and meaningful as the ones in our daily lives? Or does that barrier where you can’t be physically together make that kind of closeness impossible?



This post is dedicated to Sarah, Jenn, Richie, and Lizzie – some of the nicest and most awesome people I’ve ever met. Thanks for all the support you have given me. <3

Dear men of all ages, from past, present, and the future:

On behalf of all women, I would like to apologize for our behavior. We are crazy, moody, impatient, and obsessive-compulsive. This is embarrassing, and we are slowly realizing our (numerous) flaws.

I’m going to get PMS out of the way as soon as I can. Look, if we could help bitching for a week every month, we totally would, okay? Do you think we enjoy being in a crabby mood and binging on chocolate because it’s the only thing that will calm us down? We don’t mean to take out our frustrations on you. We don’t even realize it half the time actually. We however are trying our best to deal with our emotions in a healthy way. For example, when we’re stuck in our rooms watching The Notebook for the 900th time, stay away and for the love of God, don’t make any derogatory comments or we will turn into something like this:


Another thing related to that is girls talking about their menstruation habits shamelessly in public…I honestly don’t know why they do. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, but it really is as nasty as it sounds. I’m a women and I don’t even want to hear about it. I hope you’re not too scarred from all the TMI you’ve heard over the years.

I’m also sorry for getting mad at you for not giving us when we want, when we don’t even say it. Men tend to be more direct, and I applaud you for that. When you want something, just say it! You don’t try to beat around the bush or hint at it for weeks or give little signs—you say it, and if the answer’s no, you move on! I wish women could be more like that. I’m sure many of you have dealt with a woman hinting at something she wants for her birthday, or that she wants sex, or whatever, and you dismiss it. It’s not because you’re stupid, it’s because women think that you men can read our minds. We have come to the attention that you can’t and are embarrassed for putting you through all that mental torture, always wondering, “What did I do wrong?” We will do our best to fix this.

I have to apologize for how detail-oriented we are. We like things to be cute and nice, while many times men just leave it as it is. While there’s nothing wrong with trying to make something look pretty, we tend to get a bit (okay, a lot) OCD about it. Like cleaning around the house. Spending 3 hours in front of the mirror to make ourselves pretty. Adjusting your clothes/hair/whatever while in public is a bad one. Ack. I’m cringing just thinking about it.

We also like to talk. A lot. While it’s great for a couple to have good communication, there comes to a point where it’s too much—i.e., we’re calling at 3 in the morning because we had a bad dream and can’t sleep, or texting all the time letting your phone become our personal Twitter (and I bet you could care less about ‘I tripped and fell into a puddle!’ ‘I’m in chem and I’m so bored.’ ‘Here’s a picture of the cutest dog I saw today!’). There’s a saying, El que habla mucho dice poco—He who talks a lot says little. We should put that quote on a Post-It note above our beds.

Apologies for other faults we have (but are not limited to):

• Having 30 mood swings per minute
• Being so loud with our girlfriends that anyone within a 3-mile radius can hear us
• Playing unnecessarily hard-to-get; it’s good to keep your guard up a little in the beginning of relationships but when you make a constant game out of it it’s emotionally exhausting. No wonder you guys look so tired.
• Getting mad when you forget trivial anniversaries (monthly, weekly even for some girls, anniversary of first kiss, etc.)
• Gossiping way too much about you and everyone we know
• Actually following the ‘advice’ in fashion and teen magazines
• Everything else we do you find obnoxious and crazy

We are determined to work hard and fix these many mistakes of ours. Thank you for your patience and understanding.

Best wishes,
Women


Funny story about how I thought of this…for my Spanish video project (we have to bake cookies and talk about them) our group consists of four girls including myself. We were driving to the grocery store to get the ingredients, but first drove by this area with really big houses, including the biggest house in Michigan and Eminem’s house (and ironically, Paparrazzi by Lady GaGa was playing…and no, we did not meet him unfortunately, only drove by the gate and tried to see his house somewhere hidden in the trees). And I was thinking, this is so fun! It almost makes me miss having a group of best girlfriends…

…And then when we got to the grocery store and got confused about our recipe, I remembered why I stopped hanging out with just girls.

Don’t get me wrong—I have nothing against them. They’re all very nice and we have a class together next semester. But it was the frustration over this cookie project that was getting to me, and making me realize women’s behavior in general.

Granted, I know not all women are like this. Don’t hate me. :P It was mostly satire/parody. Women are pretty crazy though, once you think about it.

Anyway I can’t wait for winter break because I just want to relax. This video project has been insane, and we had tons of problems on Sunday and we have to meet in two hours or so, and it’s due oh, tomorrow. We have a minute of filming. It has to be 12 minutes. FML.

We’re making almendrados. They’re almond-lemon cookies from Spain. I don’t like almonds, but I guess I’ll have to eat one for the video.


At least I like to cook. Who wants one?